Ours was a story no one ever knew.
You were just getting out of a relationship, and I was there. I was the shoulder you leaned on and the best friend you needed. I was the cool friend.
But we changed. You would put your arm around me and say things that were quite different from how we usually talked. We would walk every night, you’d smoke and i’d listen and talk.
The nights were never enough for us to babble about everything, from science, politics, religion, music, and a lot more. We just clicked. It seemed like for the first time in my life, someone understands the things I’m interested in. It was like we’ve known each other for a long time.
You gave me books, and we would watch movies, eat street food, drink beer, and spend hours on the phone. I guess that was one of the highest highs I’ve ever felt in my life.
But your phone calls became less often. You became rude and insensitive. You were the first guy who made me cry. You accused me of a lot of things. It was just too hurtful.
You were my secret, my bestfriend, probably, my first love. You were my first heartbreak.
When I learned about how you lied to your girlfriend, and told her that I was the one making the first move, it hurt a lot. Suddenly I was the bad guy.
You told me you broke up. You called every night. You would knock on my door and ask me to watch a movie with you. You gave me books, talked to me for hours. How was I supposed to “not fall”?
There was no escaping your spell. I was trapped, and I fell. So thank you, you played me well.
I’m sorry if I’m not as good a player as you are. I’m sorry if I don’t go around playing with other’s feelings. I’m sorry for putting my heart on my sleeve. I’m sorry for believing that you are a good person.
But thank you, for teaching me one of the most important lessons in life. Now I know the kind of love that I deserve. I will know that when a guy like you comes in my life, I’d be smart enough to walk away. I now know what I truly need.
I decided to delete you in my life. I’ve deleted you on my phone and Facebook. I put all your stuff in a box and left it in the Philippines. All our pictures were deleted. It’s as if I haven’t met you in the first place.
I have moved on. The thought of you actually makes me laugh at myself. I’m now realizing that no matter how intelligent a person is, there’s no way they can be smart in love.
What if I bumped into you someday? I’ll just smile and walk straight ahead. I can do that.
kate samaniego 