Dear ex love of my life,
A few days ago, I checked your Facebook account. We’re not Facebook friends anymore. I erased you out of my life. I erased all the chances of us talking, although I know you never tried (haha). I saw your cover photo, it’s a picture of you with your new girl. I’d be a hypocrite if I say that I didn’t feel a pinch of hurt. Here you are again, making someone feel like a princess until that girl knows who you really are.
I also felt like a complete fool, again. Because until now, I become more and more convinced that what we had was nothing to you. I was just the girl who was there at the most down moment of your life. I fixed you. And when you were fixed, you just threw me like some old model of a gadget that doesn’t serve a purpose for you anymore.
I know that there’s no more use in dwelling and repeatedly questioning myself. I was just a rebound, a pawn in a chess game that was dispensable for you to win. My feelings didn’t matter as long as you were happy. I didn’t expect this scar to hurt, because as far as I know, they don’t hurt when the wound has healed completely. But maybe then there’s no total recovery from you. Maybe I have to live with this feeling of betrayal, of losing to a player like you. God, I hate losing.
I don’t want to think of seeing you again. In fact, I hope that last time you drove me to the MRT station was our last memory. At least there was a bit of concern from you that one time.
I hope you’re happy. I hope you don’t hurt her the way you did to me. I hope you don’t leave her feeling less of herself. I hope you make her so happy that she won’t ever think that you’re capable of hurting someone so much.
I guess I have to live with these questions while waiting for what’s in it for me in this world. I just learned that I have to put myself first above anyone else. And maybe, if God gives me a chance to love again, I know that I have to keep a part of my heart to myself.
Slow living MD 