Clarity

Have you ever felt like your life was like a repetitive cycle of failures? Or maybe you were so anxious because nothing exciting was happening or maybe the same problems kept on slamming you again and again. Let me guess, you even thought that you were a problem magnet.

I longed for an answer for the curse that I seemingly had. How can other people be happy, while I cannot. Or at least for me, happiness was fleeting. I felt like I had to savor the happy moments because if I don’t, I’ll miss out on that happy bubble and then it’ll pop and it would probably take a long time before that same bubble reappears.

If you’re at that place, please read on.

The moment you accept that you are not what happens to you, that is the start of your wonderful journey in this world. The reason why many people are miserable, getting addicted to drugs, alcohol, food, and TV is because we keep on looking for the solution outside of ourselves. We think that if we possess all these material stuff, happiness is automatic and it’ll be there to stay. But, look at all these celebrities, Michael Jackson, Whitney Houston, and Elvis Presley, they can have anything they want in this world. People love them. But why did they die of drug overdose? It’s because they kept on finding love outside of themselves.

The way to a fulfilled life is to know who you are. You must first have a sense of clarity of who you are in the first place. Who are you? You want to know the answer?

You are love.

Yep, you were born out of love. From your first breath, everything about you is love. That is your original design. You are a physical manifestation of love. But why are there so many depressed people? It’s because things that were happening outside of them shaped them to be a survival machine, and along the road, they forgot who they were. I’m writing this to tell you that no matter what mistakes you made, failures, or traumatic experience you’ve had, from the beginning, you are love.

When it’s clear to you, life is gonna be like a fairy tale. It’s a magical experience. There will be ups and downs but still, you have this stillness inside. At the core, you know that no matter how chaotic your outside is, you will be okay. You know that your mission in this world is to radiate whatever it is that is already inside you. This jaded world cannot ever steal your sunshine.  You will be part of this universe’s flow. You are one with the universe, and not against its natural rhythm.

If only more people realize this simple but powerful truth, believe me a massive change will happen. We will stop hating  and fighting each other. We will lift humanity and truly make this world a wonderful place to live. Start with yourself. Every time a heated situation or a challenge comes, speak these words, “I am love.”

 

Flashback

Dear ex love of my life,

A few days ago, I checked your Facebook account. We’re not Facebook friends anymore. I erased you out of my life. I erased all the chances of us talking, although I know you never tried (haha). I saw your cover photo, it’s a picture of you with your new girl. I’d be a hypocrite if I say that I didn’t feel a pinch of hurt. Here you are again, making someone feel like a princess until that girl knows who you really are.

I also felt like a complete fool, again. Because until now, I become more and more convinced that what we had was nothing to you. I was just the girl who was there at the most down moment of your life. I fixed you. And when you were fixed, you just threw me like some old model of a gadget that doesn’t serve a purpose for you anymore.

I know that there’s no more use in dwelling and repeatedly questioning myself. I was just a rebound, a pawn in a chess game that was dispensable for you to win. My feelings didn’t matter as long as you were happy. I didn’t expect this scar to hurt, because as far as I know, they don’t hurt when the wound has healed completely. But maybe then there’s no total recovery from you. Maybe I have to live with this feeling of betrayal, of losing to a player like you. God, I hate losing.

I don’t want to think of seeing you again. In fact, I hope that last time you drove me to the MRT station was our last memory. At least there was a bit of concern from you that one time.

I hope you’re happy. I hope you don’t hurt her the way you did to me. I hope you don’t leave her feeling less of herself. I hope you make her so happy that she won’t ever think that you’re capable of hurting someone so much.

I guess I have to live with these questions while waiting for what’s in it for me in this world. I just learned that I have to put myself first above anyone else. And maybe, if God gives me a chance to love again, I know that I have to keep a part of my heart to myself.