Cure your stage fright in five steps.

Brave means having or showing mental or moral strength to face danger, fear, or difficulty. Confidence on the other hand is the quality or state of being certain. So if you mix these two definitions up, brave plus confident equals being certain of the uncertain. You cannot predict what will happen onstage but you can prepare like an olympic athlete, kick some ass and let it go.

So you have an upcoming presentation. It’s big and your worried to your guts that you will definitely screw this up. Knees are shaking, palms are sweaty, and the shortness of breath starts. Then, you go blank and beat yourself up for being a coward on stage. But what if I tell you that there’s a way to kick those nerves to the curb and thrive instead? Reality check, majority of humans aren’t born as instantly confident babies. Just like any skill, public speaking is learned and practiced through time. Here are my tried and tested approach to being confident during big presentations.

1. Prepare like a madman.
Seriously, whenever you see someone talk confidently onstage, that’s just the tip of the iceberg. It takes years of practice to be that good. Making any skill look easy is in fact the hardest part of the job. So don’t worry if you have an epic fail once or twice, because a big chunk of excellence comes with so many failures. Research like crazy. Organize your thoughts. Make an outline and practice, practice, practice. When you give your all, there won’t be any regrets, whatever the outcome may be.

2. Study your confidence heroes.
We are in an almost limitless era when it comes to digital resources. Youtube is the new Pandora’s box. Whenever you see someone who’s so good at speaking and you heard the voice that says, “I want to be like that.” Then study that person. Watch how they move onstage and take notes. This doesn’t mean that you’re a copy cat. You just have to make your own spin on things. Use your unique personality in your talk.

3. Get a tribe.
Have a support system on call. This can be your family, friends or your partner. Let them push you to greatness. Call them when you’re scared. You have to surround yourself with people who fiercely believe in your capabilities. Have friends who can give you constructive criticism and practice in front of them. Maybe they can offer great advice and tips on how you can make your presentation better.

4. Focus on your message.
Before you make your manner of presentation perfect, you must keep in mind that conveying the message is the most important part of public speaking. Let the ideas come through. You have to really know what you are talking about and focus on that more than your appearance or gestures. People will only listen if you can connect effectively. So make sure that you know and truly believe in the message of your talk.

5. Screw confidence. Just be brave.
Even when you have read a gazillion of information about your talk, you can still end up being far from confident. Here’s my challenge for you, why don’t you throw confidence in the bin and develop a different approach? What if instead of being confident, consciously choose to be brave? Start with the small things like raising your hand during meetings or graded recitations even if you know that you might mess up. Repeat this mantra, “I don’t need to be confident, I just have to be brave.” As Merriam says, brave means having or showing mental or moral strength to face danger, fear, or difficulty. Confidence on the other hand is the quality or state of being certain. If you mix these two definitions up, brave plus confident equals being certain of the uncertain. You cannot predict what will happen onstage but you can prepare like an olympic athlete, kick some ass and let it go.


How about you my lovely reader? Have you experienced extreme stage fright? Tell me how you have overcome it. I believe public speaking is an essential skill for us women so we can effectively communicate our million dollar ideas. Put it down on the comments section and let’s brainstorm. Together, we thrive.

The Cure for Worry

Have you ever felt a pang of loneliness that just seem to come out of nowhere? Like, yesterday you were feeling so great. In fact you thought you could conquer the world. You felt that you’re in the flow of things. You were unstoppable. But suddenly, this wave of emotions just submerged you in an ocean of sadness. Where in the world did that come from? You might have asked yourself why you have to feel those things that you were trying so hard to get rid of.

Here’s the thing, what you felt was a necessary low vibration part of your life. Just like in the teachings of Jesus, there is a season for everything, “a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted. (Ecclesiastes 3:1-2)”And they are all essential. The plucking and dying part is needed. You do not have a choice.

You have to go through all these range of emotions because it will make you into a different but better you. There are no shortcuts or escapes from these stages in your life. If you run from it, it will go after you and manifest in negative patterns. It could be as mundane as watching too much TV or something worse like drugs and alcohol addiction. Even overthinking arises from trying to figure out the ‘why’ in your feelings. So what can you do when you are experiencing this sadness black hole?

Feel it.

Whatever you are feeling now, just feel it. Be kind to yourself. Forgive yourself. You are doing what you can with what you have. You are showing up even when it is the last thing that you want to do.

You got out of bed. You took a bath, brushed your teeth. You showed up! Isn’t that what’s important? Showing up even when it’s so hard to do it. Be proud of yourself for showing up.

One good example of this is when you’re out of money or in tons of debt. Instead of thinking that you are doomed and fueling all these negative energy, just breathe. recognize even the coins that you have, appreciate them. Thank God or whatever higher power you believe in with what you’ve got. Money flows. Money is a tool but it’s not everything. Make peace with money. Be kind to your heart. Be glad that you are in this world doing something. This attitude will bring you joy. And when there is joy, abundance follows. Just try it and see.

Try to remember those people you’ve helped. Back-read their messages and let it sink in you that there’s something in you that only you have that in a way has changed these people. Say to yourself that today, in any way that you can, you are going to be that light.

When you’re feeling helpless, help someone. Right at this moment maybe, you just wanna get inside your cave and curl up, and hide from everything. But that’s not you anymore. You are resilient. No matter what’s thrown at you, you will always find your way back to that place of joy, love, and ease.

Stop worrying about money or being alone. Start appreciating whatever is in your purse and bank account. Wow! ____ dollars. Amazing! Money flows. So you need not worry. You are going to manifest money in ways that you can’t even imagine. Stop moping. The world needs your sparkle.

Remember, it’s okay to mope, just try not staying in sadness island for a long time. Honor what you feel. Accept who you are wholeheartedly. Accept that you couldn’t do your workout today. Accept that you can’t finish all your workload all at once. You are hustling with all you’ve got. Give yourself a break. Don’t be too hard on yourself.

All you have to care about right now is this moment. As you are sitting in your office or taking care of your kids or whatever you’re doing, visualize how this day is gonna be like. Again, visualize, not make expectations. If something that is not in your vision happens, it’s alright. You are fine sweetie. You always find a way. The universe has your back. It is not working against you. The universe is for you.

Is that a smile? Nice. See? Just breathe and relax. You are here to experience life, not to run a race. Say it aloud: I AM NOT IN A RACE. Just do things one step at a time and stop comparing. Right now you’re breathing and your heart is beating and there is nothing more important than that.

To the girl who’s tired of it all

I know that you want to help other people so much. You have a big heart that wants to take care of everyone . But you can’t. you are doing your best with what you have. You are doing great despite the shit sandwich thrown at you. You are okay. It’s still good. You’re still breathing. You have food on your plate, a job that you love, friends that support you, and a lot more. I know that it can be tiring. I know that sometimes you just wish you were born in different circumstances, that the responsibilities are not this heavy, that life isn’t this hard. I know that sometimes you’re tired of it all.

 But it’s okay.

 It’s okay to cry. It’s normal to be exhausted. Life is not meant to be perfect. Life is meant to be experienced. Let go of control and expectations. You’ve known at a young age that things cannot be controlled. No matter how much you plan out everything and prevent shitty things from happening, shit still happens. And it’s okay.

 You are still breathing. Your heart is still beating. And when those two are intact, then you have more than enough to be thankful for. It is not a problem, it is just a situation. Think of now. Think of this moment. It’s all you’ve got, the now.

 Embrace your life. Accept the present. Work and love. Breathe.You’re awesome.

 Love,
Katey

A Letter to my Anxious Friend

Dear anxious friend,

I’ve heard that you are feeling helpless and exhausted. I’ve learned that you are tired of it all and terrified of the future. First of all, I want you to know that I am giving you my virtual hugs and that I am here for you. 

Why do you worry so much about what’s ahead? Why do you always think that you’re doomed?  Why don’t you just play?

Do you  find yourself overwhelmed with the work that you have to do and the responsibilities attached to you? Maybe you do. But I wrote this letter to remind you that you don’t need to think about the future all the time. Plan out your life. Have a vision. But please don’t miss the point of living. Experience it. Play.

I know that sometimes things can be overwhelming and you just want to escape the chaos that is  ‘your life’. But I want you to know that you just have to think about today. Think only about today.

Are you breathing? Is your heart beating?

Then you’re alright. You are just fine. You are going to be okay. Face the world with a playful heart and the lightness of a feather. Your day is not supposed to be suffering after suffering. Sometimes it seems like it’s like that. But believe me, it isn’t and it doesn’t have to.

Just look around you. Do you have a family that loves you, or a best friend that is always there to the rescue? If you’ve got even just one, then relax. You have more than enough to be fine.

If you’re looking around and what you see are your friends who seem like they got it all together, then it’s time to calm down. Breathe. We’re not in a race. It’s not about who becomes the richest or who has traveled the world most. Define success in your own terms.

Some people dream of living in the city and busting their ass in their work, while others dream of a calm, free, and peaceful life. Maybe you dream of living on a mountain. Who cares? It’s your life. If they’re doing big things it doesn’t mean that you are a failure. You are the painter of your own masterpiece. You decide what is the best life possible for you, no matter how big or small that is.

You do you.

Today you are okay. That’s all that matters. Only for today love. When you find yourself worrying, just place your hand on your heart, feel your breath and your heartbeat. If you can still feel it then that means you are just fine.

Listen to the true sound of your soul. Filter the noise. Live life in your own terms. Fly high or low, it doesn’t matter. You just have to be the most authentic you.  That will always be enough.

Love,

Katey

10 things to do when you’re freaking out

There are days when we feel like we’re on cloud 9. We approach the day headstrong and just believe that anything is possible. Those are what we call the oh-so-good days, the awesome, conquer the universe days. Well, just imagine if everything goes the way it should be, the world will indeed be our oyster. But, let’s talk real.

That is a dream. Those days definitely happen, but, not all the time. It comes to a point sometimes that you feel like your world is crumbling, as if wherever you go, there’s mess. You feel so out of control. You freak out. What do you do then?

My dear, anxiety is normal. Freaking out for things that’s out of your control can cause you a meltdown. However, no need to worry because everyone has it, even that girl with thousands of likes on social media. Nobody’s life is perfect. Some people can handle it better, some just shove it in, while others collapse under too much pressure.

For me, these are the techniques that work when shit happens

  1. BREATHE

Focus on your breathing first. Inhale and exhale slowly. You’re alright, you’re still breathing. That’s what matters first, you are still breathing.

2. RELAX YOUR BODY.

Is your teeth clenched? Relax it. Pay attention to your facial muscles, are they tense? Relax them. Notice your shoulders and relax. To have a clear head, our body needs to be in a relaxed state. Yes, things  are chaotic, but, calming yourself first will help your brain think logically.

3. SAY THESE WORDS: EVERYTHING’S GONNA BE OKAY.

This may sound too cliché for you but eventually, there will be a way for any situation to work out. Even if you cannot see that now, believing that it will be okay will give you the sanity that you need to handle any situation. Whenever you start thinking that you’re gonna be doomed, push that thought away and replace it with one sentence: “Everything’s going to be okay.” Our actions change when we reprogram how we think. You have to believe that it’ll work out if you really want it to work out.

4. PLAN

Now that you have a calm mind and body, and a proper mindset, you can now start thinking of the solution. You can list the problem on a paper, and just brainstorm the possible solutions you can come up with. After a while, evaluate which solution is the best.

5. EXECUTE

Do the necessary actions for the solution to be executed. My favorite blogger gives this perfect advice for her followers  who ask her how to handle anxiety, (http://ladykaymd.tumblr.com/ ) “Action always fights anxiety.”

6. IF IT IS TOTALLY OUT OF YOUR CONTROL, LET GO.

There are battles that we fight and battles that we choose not to. It takes maturity and a lot of wisdom to choose the best thing to do in a situation. Sometimes, no matter how much we want things to end up well, it’s just out of our power. We all have limitations. If you really cannot do anything, or the situation will just get worse if you meddle, have the courage to accept the circumstance, no matter how crappy it is, and let go.  Acceptance is not cowardice. It is a brave act of trust.

7. FEEL YOUR EMOTIONS

Despite people saying, “Bottle your feelings and move on,” just feel what you are feeling. If crying makes you more okay, then cry. If you are sad, be sad. Honor what you feel. People who hide everything will certainly crack at some point. But, if you acknowledge your emotions, it will help. Numbing will take the anxiety for a while but nothing beats being true to yourself.

8. EXERCISE

I know, this is the last thing that you want to do. However, this is scientifically proven. When you’re having a bad day, all those frustrations are replaced by the  feeling of triumph when you complete a workout. Physically releasing negative vibes helps. If you want to help yourself, get out of that bed and MOVE.

9. DRINK A HOT BEVERAGE (or your favorite beverage)

This works so much for me. When I start overthinking and negative thoughts ramble in my brain, lemon or lime infused water does the trick. Maybe it’s the quiet time of drinking that helps.  Sometimes, when my friend is upset or when I am anxious or mad about something, drinking milk tea and talking just calms us.

10. CALL A FRIEND

Maybe you’ve heard somewhere that your biggest enemy is that voice inside your head. If you start noticing that the voice is not helping because it’s saying too much negative stuff, go and call your closest friend. It’s amazing how a different perspective can change the way that we approach a situation, plus, girlfriends are the best.

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You are human. You are not supposed to be perfect. There will be bad days but there are good days too. Being flawed, failing, and making mistakes is part of your journey. Feeling anxious is okay, but, you don’t have to feed your anxiety. You have to feel it, and use those nerves for something good. Channel it somewhere. It can be through a hobby, or whatever creative activity that you love.

“Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced.” – Soren Kierkegaard