My Sun

Yours was the sunset that brought me to my knees,
but you are and always will be, my sunrise.

Whenever I remember the 17th of May,
The scar stings, a stare of loneliness surfaces,
I’m taken back to that unthinkable day.
A life without you never crossed my mind,
How I managed to live,
An answer I can never find.

It took every ounce of energy my cells could generate,
To breathe and live in a nightmare, in a body that I didn’t wish to live in.
I couldn’t just erase you, I couldn’t unfeel the pain.
That would mean denying all the love you unselfishly gave,
I woke up in tears, I denied reality,
I numbed, I was so scared.

You were the pillar of my identity, my safety blanket, my confidence.
My number one fan and believer.
But why did my sun set so quickly, why didn’t God make him stay?
I couldn’t live. I couldn’t breathe.
A world without you has never occured in my mind.
Where are you now, my sun? I badly want to feel your warmth, one last time.

I want you to tell me that everything is going to be okay.
That this will pass, that I can still be happy,
Even if you are not there, even just to annoy me for one day.
I miss you still, I love you so,
I will try to live,
Even though everyday, my climb is still uphill.

With every sunrise, it became a little bit easier.
I kept on breathing, I asked myself what would you say?
What would my hero tell me?
What would he want me to do?
So I continued to walk with small steps, sometimes in strides,
Whatever I manage, that’s okay.

It has been a year, since that sunset,
It still haunts me like a terrifying dream,
But I thrived even in the darkest times,
Sometimes I hid, sometimes I faced the sadness.
It’s okay.We can face it.
We will be alright in time.

I learned that I’m not alone,
I can feel your heart beat right next to mine.
You are still whispering that, “You can do it.”
Whenever I want to break down, an invisible force pushes me,
To take one more step, to be bold and brave,
And watch the sun rise.

We were riding on your red motorcycle,
We were talking about our dreams and your stories about life.
I saw the sun. I saw you, my sun.
Forever etched in my heart.
Yours was the sunset that brought me to my knees,
But you are and always will be, my sunrise.

Ukelele

With gentle tunes
And every pluck of each string
I summon happiness
I live with glee.
Whoever made you
Has indeed a heart of gold
For the joy you bring me
One that even by words can’t ever be told.

You had me at hi
I pulled you close
Sad songs you transformed
A pretentious melody sounded true.
Lying in the hammock
In front of the sea
I strum with passion
I dream of thee.

Tell me about the first time
Our skins have touched
I never knew that love would feel this much
Every dull moment you made serene
Every song I played you with
Had love within.

I never knew this kind of happiness
Till I chose to play you
I’ve tried the guitar and drums
But nothing ever sounded like you.
How you made the sun shine
Everywhere you go
How you made me smile
Even when I thought I’ll never do.

You are mine and I am yours
Let’s compose and sing
Let’s dance to unsung melodies
Let’s make everybody plug in
I promise to take care of us
This gift of music, of love
That seemingly came from the stars
Maybe from the deepest seas or high above

Tulak

Takbo. Habol. Lipad.

Sabi nila kailangan ko daw matutong huwag tumigil,

kahit pagod na, ang huminga ng saglit ay bawal,

kung tagumpay ang hangarin.

 

Ngiti. Halakhak. Labas ang ngipin.

Ang sarap tumawa, sana’y walang katapusan,

kung sumaya ay ganon kadali,

bakit kayhirap gawin,

tila marami ang malungkot sa atin?

 

Hinga. Pahingi ng pahinga.

Ito ang sigaw ng katawan kong tulog ay kaytagal nang inaasam.

Ngunit seryoso, kailan kaya kita mababawi?

Pwede pa ba? May oras pa ba?

Biro lang, may pagsusulit pa bukas.

Ginusto mo yan, wag kang magsisi.

 

Problema. Masakit. Madilim.

Kaya ko pa bang harapin ang bukas?

Kaya ko pa bang magsimula ulit?

Sa ilalim ng makulimlim na ulapat bugso ng ulan,

bakit parang ayaw na niyang tumigil?

Ate. Kapatid. Pamilya.

Kayo ang pumupuno sa akin.

Salamat dahil nariyan kayo, ang makikipot at paliko-likong daan,

matapang kong tinatahak, sapagkat kayo’y sumisigaw,

naniniwalang ang tagumpay ay nasa akin.

 

Lipunan. Magulo. Pabagsak.

May pag-asa pa kaya?

Kung ako’y tumigil, ano na ang kapalaran ng henerasyon na susunod sa akin?

 

Utak. Puso. Pag-ibig.

Mahirap pumili ng susundin,

ngunit kailangan, dahil kung hindi,

tila’y ligaw na damo, walang susundan, kung saan-saan mapapadpad,

oo, kayo ang bumubulong sa akin.

 

Kape. Alak. Tubig.

Aah, sa bawat tulo, napapawi ang pagod, kaya mo pa,

isang lagok pa, iyong matatapos ang inaaral,

magiging bihasa balang araw, sa larangang pinili.

 

Pluma. Papel. Laptop. 

Sila ang aking karamay.

Kaya. Kaya. Kaya.

Pwedeng magpahinga Juana, pero hinding-hindi titigil.

Love is

Love is your sister cooking breakfast for you everyday.

Love is your dad checking up on you if you’re okay.

Love is your friend or lover asking you, “How was your day?”

Love is that stranger you saw last night giving a few pennies to the quiet kid near the subway.

Love is the sun shining everyday.

Love is when someone really listens to what you have to say.

Love is saying no even when the other person gets hurt.

Love is simple. Love is.

Love is your friend going with you to the scary doctor’s appointment.

Love is when you’re laughing with your med school friends who are all thinking, “What the fuck are we doing now?”

Love is your parents giving you your weekly allowance.

Love is when your family helps you out.

Love is in that stranger who gave you that scholarship.

Love is in the silence in between long distance friendships, we just know that it’s there.

Love is when your girlfriends call you because of that douche bag.

Love is when someone asks you, “Are you alright? I’m here you can talk to me. I’ll be there in a heartbeat.”

Love is when someone doesn’t want you to leave.

Love is when someone lets you go because he or she knows that it is best.

Love is when when someone shares their french fries.

Love is when someone gets water for you when you eat out.

Love is in that friend who keeps on cracking jokes.

Love is when your dog jumps in happiness when she sees you.

Love is being okay with the simple and mundane.

Love is in the highs and lows, the blanks and in-between.

Love is in the passion you have for your greatest dream.

Love is when someone waits for you, whatever the reason is.

Love is when someone looks for you, when you’ve suddenly disconnected.

Love is in that person who says: You can do it.

Love is there even when a person dies.

Love is manifested in so many things.

It can be a smile, a hug, or an ocean of tears.

Love that is given is never gone.

Love circumvents, it floats, it’s like air.

You breathe it in and you let it out.

Freedom

Wind beneath my hair

Sunlight on my skin

Coffee on the bench

Grass under my feet

I never felt this peace

Or so I thought I’d never feel it again.

 

You are my sanctuary

My oasis in the desert

The calm in my storm

The warmth of my favorite blanket

The softness of my pillow.

 

The bittersweet dark chocolate

The wine I sip before lying in bed.

My home and my clutter,

I guess you are my light, amidst the cold and dark,

Your love doesn’t make me shiver

 

My heart is full, with you I rest

I will always come back to you, my love, my home, my ethereal happiness.

Pangako

Kaytagal kitang hinintay. Oo, ikaw.

Hindi naging madali ang ating pagtatagpo. Parehas tayong nagmahal ngunit sa kinasamaang palad ay nabigo.

Sinabi natin sa ating sarili na di na natin bubuksan ang ating puso sa isang nilalang na kaya tayong gawing pinakamasayang tao sa mundo, at pinakamalungot.

Mahal, sinasabi ko sayo na ngayong ika’y aking natagpuan, maaari mong asahan ang katapatan ko.

Hindi ko maipapangako na lagi tayong puno ng ngiti sa bawat araw na tayo’y magkasama; na walang bahid ng luha ang bawat segundo nating dalawa.

Hindi ako mangangako ng “kailanman” bagkus aking gagawin sa abot ng aking makakaya na panindigan ang ating napag-usapan; ang mga plano na tayo’y sabay na tatahak sa kanya-kanyang landas patungo sa ating pangarap.

Mahal, hahayaan kita na abutin ang iyong mga pangarap sabay ng pagtulak ko sa iyo upang makamit mo ang mga ito.

Asahan mong hahawakan ko ang iyong kamay, at hinding-hindi ko ito bibitawan.

Sa mga araw na mahirap ka nang mahalin, pipilitin ko pa rin na piliin na mahalin ka.

Sa mga pagkakataong tila’y nakakasawa na, gagawa ako ng paraan upang ito’y mabigyan ng lunas.

Lahat ito, alam kong kaya kong gawin, basta’t iparamdam mo na andyan ka.

Simple lang naman para sa akin ang isang relasyon, mahalin mo ako, sa hirap at ginhawa. Piliin mo ako kahit na hindi na ako kapili-pili.

Asahan mong hindi ako bibitaw.

Ngunit kung dumating na ang araw na ikaw na mismo ang gustong lumaya, at sa tingin ko’y iyon ang iyong ikasasaya.

Asahan mo mahal, palalayain kita.