healing – Page 2 – Slow living MD

Not everyone will like you, and that’s okay.

In this short life, why not stop living for the likes, but rather live for the things that make your heart beat a little bit stronger?

I know what you desire. I know that there’s one thing that you want, that all of us wants. You want to be happy. I mean, who doesn’t want that? You want your heart to feel at ease. You want to exist in this world with that spark and that fire. You want to feel peace and security. You want that heart of yours to have a warm and fuzzy feeling.

But let me break this down for you love, just like every other pursuit that we have in our lives, happiness takes work. Happiness will not be consistent, because in order for life to be interesting, sadness must be felt. However, the probability of your heart feeling at ease increases when you do the work. Let’s say I’m your soul doctor, what will I prescribe you?

I can only think of one thing, and that is, stopping yourself from wanting everyone to like you. We grew up wanting to please our parents. Maybe you bend over backwards just to make your partner happy. You may even not express who you truly are for fear that you won’t be accepted by your family. Maybe you’re pursuing a career that your parents want for you but your heart is nudging you to do an entirely different thing. You may show people that you are strong, smart, and perfect and never want even a drop of weakness to spill. Or maybe you created a persona on social media that does not reflect your true self. You post all these glamorous photos, when the truth is, you are dying inside.

Maybe you live for the likes, the heart reacts, the compliments, or applause. You may be living for the titles so that people can admire you because you’re a lawyer, a doctor, or an engineer. But let me ask you something, does the superficial world create a warm and fuzzy feeling that sustains you to wake up and do the work every single day? Do you feel like you are living a life filled with gratitude and meaning? Or are you just waking up, working, achieving, and posting?

In this short life, why not stop living for the likes, but rather live for the things that make your heart beat a little bit stronger? Why not live for the moments that you will remember before your last breath? You need to start really living, now. You need to be who you exactly are. Stop chasing dreams for the applause. Just do things because it gives you joy and it serves other people. Be honest with yourself and maybe then, you’ll find yourself breathing lightly, and smiling, not because of likes on Facebook, but because you genuinely adore the person that you see in the mirror.

Musings of abused kids

I didn’t know genuine happiness until I lived a life without you.

We know that our abusers have at least, tried. We know that that they probably have legitimate mental health issues and a terrible past. But that doesn’t give them license to hurt the people that God entrusted them to take care of, repeatedly.

We don’t understand why sometimes you were so good and loving, but whenever there’s a minor setback, you flinch and resort to hurting the people that you were supposed to love. We grew up constantly asking if we are good enough. Did our feelings even matter? Did we do something wrong again? All this time, we learned the art of perfectly walking on eggshells because if we didn’t, we were doomed.

We would get a beating or receive verbal abuse from you the moment that you get upset. Does it feel good to throw broken glass to an already shattered heart? Did hitting us serve you well? Do you know that sleeping still doesn’t feel safe, because nightmares of you still linger?

As trautamized children we have so many questions for you abuser, but we are okay with not knowing the answer. We even second-guess if the choice that we made was right. Now that we’re grown-ups, finally away from the terrors of you, we feel warmth.

When we grew up, that’s when we realized that cutting you off was the most difficult and yet the best decision we have ever made. We didn’t know genuine happiness until we lived a life away from you. You don’t get to take credit for anything anymore because we are where we are not because of you but inspite of you. You don’t get to manipulate us anymore. We will never give you that power, ever again.

It feels good to not to live on thin ice. It feels warm to be with people who truly love and support you. This is the last letter that abused kids will ever write to you. We don’t expect any apologies, or even remorse. We are still on the process of healing, and for every brave step we take, we are proud.

This is us, children of traumatized past, finally letting go.

My Sun

Yours was the sunset that brought me to my knees,
but you are and always will be, my sunrise.

Whenever I remember the 17th of May,
The scar stings, a stare of loneliness surfaces,
I’m taken back to that unthinkable day.
A life without you never crossed my mind,
How I managed to live,
An answer I can never find.

It took every ounce of energy my cells could generate,
To breathe and live in a nightmare, in a body that I didn’t wish to live in.
I couldn’t just erase you, I couldn’t unfeel the pain.
That would mean denying all the love you unselfishly gave,
I woke up in tears, I denied reality,
I numbed, I was so scared.

You were the pillar of my identity, my safety blanket, my confidence.
My number one fan and believer.
But why did my sun set so quickly, why didn’t God make him stay?
I couldn’t live. I couldn’t breathe.
A world without you has never occured in my mind.
Where are you now, my sun? I badly want to feel your warmth, one last time.

I want you to tell me that everything is going to be okay.
That this will pass, that I can still be happy,
Even if you are not there, even just to annoy me for one day.
I miss you still, I love you so,
I will try to live,
Even though everyday, my climb is still uphill.

With every sunrise, it became a little bit easier.
I kept on breathing, I asked myself what would you say?
What would my hero tell me?
What would he want me to do?
So I continued to walk with small steps, sometimes in strides,
Whatever I manage, that’s okay.

It has been a year, since that sunset,
It still haunts me like a terrifying dream,
But I thrived even in the darkest times,
Sometimes I hid, sometimes I faced the sadness.
It’s okay.We can face it.
We will be alright in time.

I learned that I’m not alone,
I can feel your heart beat right next to mine.
You are still whispering that, “You can do it.”
Whenever I want to break down, an invisible force pushes me,
To take one more step, to be bold and brave,
And watch the sun rise.

We were riding on your red motorcycle,
We were talking about our dreams and your stories about life.
I saw the sun. I saw you, my sun.
Forever etched in my heart.
Yours was the sunset that brought me to my knees,
But you are and always will be, my sunrise.

Guide to getting unstuck

Hi reader, so far in the Philippines I do believe that we are stuck in a shit pickle, and a really deep one for that matter. You know that I am not a fan of toxic positivity. I am more of a girl who likes to know the real score and deal with it to the best of my abilities. Just like you, everyday I still wonder when is this ever going to end? When are we going to stroll on parks, beaches, or schools without the fear of getting COVID-19?

If you have been following my posts for the past years, I have an idea that you are someone who’s chasing your dreams too. And for us who find satisfaction in slaying goals and reaching for the stars, being this limited is the worst situation that we could find ourselves in. We like movement, we love the momentum, and the chase. We find an adrenaline rush in getting closer to our goals. But then here we are, stuck, literally and figuratively.

Let me try to make sense of it all through my favorite form of expression, writing. I think this is the opportunity to be our most creative and unlimited self. What we have now is the best resource out there, TIME. Here are my tried and tested list of things that you can do when you’re in a hell of a negative situation. Feel free to add up yours in the comments section.

1. Be realistic and be informed.
We need to educate ourselves. We need true information in order to move forward. Education has brought me to places that has created such an adventure in my life. I like to know the reality. I appreciate brutal honesty rather than sugar coating things. I might not like what someone is going to say but, it’s okay as long as it’s the truth. You can only assess objectively if you are well informed.

2. Acceptance of the present.
I think the secret in life is knowing when to let go of the steering wheel and when to take control. There are things that you can do to make sure that your plans will fall into place. And I very much believe that you have to take control of your physical, mental, financial, professional, and emotional well-being. You cannot let anything or anyone take your power. But, you have to accept that no matter how perfectly crafted your plans are and how you flawlessly executed your moves, there will be times when shit will just hit the fan. When that happens, as much as it sucks, you have to recognize that this is the reality, and accept. Because if you keep on ruminating for a long time, you might miss the growth opportunities that the current situation presents.

3. Acknowledge your feelings.
As I’ve mentioned, you have to accept the present. I know what probably runs in your mind, that it’s easily said than done. Please understand that you must accept the present but you also have to acknowledge your feelings. Give yourself time to grieve the situation. Fully express your sadness, anger, or disappointment through calling a friend or by talking to your family or your partner. You can express your rage through art or writing. You can run or shout on top of a hill. But you have to feel and express your emotions. Don’t bottle it up or it will be your life’s poison. Feelings are meant to be expressed and not repressed. Okay?

4. Do something that brings you joy.
Once you have let all the feels bleed out, you now have space for joy. Think about the activities that make your heart feel a little bit lighter. For me, it’s writing or listening to Cardi B. I also love singing, dancing and coloring. Keep a running list of things that make your heart sing. Open your heart to joy. Tuck it in and keep it close. Have a list of these sanity pills and take them. They will heal you and open your mind to creative solutions to your challenges.

5. Access your body’s intelligence.
You know what causes too much thinking and mental exhaustion? It’s when you’re not channeling mental energy through your body. Do some workout, my friend. Stop being a couch potato. The poison loves it when you don’t move. Your blood and energy has to flow. Let it reach every corner of your organs. I do nike training club during not so busy days in the morning and when I am really stuck in the deepest puddle of shit, yoga is my saving grace. It fixes your breathing and keeps you present.

6. Sleep.
Recovery is an important part of the healing process. Give your brain the rest that it needs. Let your subconscious handle the complexities of the situation. Some of the best ideas and solutions pop up early in the morning. It’s because your brain is well rested and fully oxygenated. Remember that you can only be truly empowered if your machine is well-oiled. So love yourself and let your thoughts rest. Let it go.

7. Have a morning routine.
By sticking to a morning practice, you will have a foundation that you can always go back to. No matter how crappy the previous day has been, your morning routine will serve as your refresh button. I do encourage you to make it a habit. Whether it’s drinking coffee in the morning, declaring affirmations, or prayer, just do it. Make your mind a healthy garden for trees of positivity and creativity to grow.

8. Be decisive.
Stop thinking. Just engage and co-create the life that you want with the universe. Stop spending so much time in your mind because it’s so easy to drown in the negativity sinkhole. As Nike says, just do it.

9.Practice self-forgiveness.
I do believe that you should talk to yourself the way that you will talk to your little sister or your daughter. We are humans who are just imperfect. We make mistakes and do stupid things. Be that as it may, it is our job to be kind and forgiving to ourselves especially when we fall short of being the person we expect ourselves to be. When negative thoughts swarm in my head, my tendency is to be really hard on myself, and I admit that I am still a work in progress when it comes to this area of life. But I know that I have to try practicing radical self-love and self-forgiveness so that I can be truly free.

10. Be patient.
Great things take time. Sometimes we’re too anxious to get to the finish line, so much so that we don’t even notice how beautiful the journey is. Life is full of ups and downs and sometimes it’s easier to say I give up. But if you can find the beauty in crashing and then rising, I think you’re good to go. Be willing to wait and be patient with your process. Everybody has their unique path. You just have to focus on yours because no one can ever do the great job of being you. Respect how sacred your journey is. Love it wih every fiber of your being. Ready, set, go.

Ukelele

With gentle tunes
And every pluck of each string
I summon happiness
I live with glee.
Whoever made you
Has indeed a heart of gold
For the joy you bring me
One that even by words can’t ever be told.

You had me at hi
I pulled you close
Sad songs you transformed
A pretentious melody sounded true.
Lying in the hammock
In front of the sea
I strum with passion
I dream of thee.

Tell me about the first time
Our skins have touched
I never knew that love would feel this much
Every dull moment you made serene
Every song I played you with
Had love within.

I never knew this kind of happiness
Till I chose to play you
I’ve tried the guitar and drums
But nothing ever sounded like you.
How you made the sun shine
Everywhere you go
How you made me smile
Even when I thought I’ll never do.

You are mine and I am yours
Let’s compose and sing
Let’s dance to unsung melodies
Let’s make everybody plug in
I promise to take care of us
This gift of music, of love
That seemingly came from the stars
Maybe from the deepest seas or high above

When the Heartaches Make Sense

Once upon a time, a girl dreamed of healing people. She wanted it so bad and did everything she can with whatever she has to make that dream happen.

Sadly, life happened and the dream of attaching two letters at the end of her surname sounded impossible. She accepted that if it’s for her, it will happen. Though at that moment, everything around her sent one message, “No, this isn’t for you.”

She listened to the signs and messages. She accepted that she was probably one of those people who had a dream carved in her heart, did everything to make it come true, but ended up doing what was needed of her instead of what her heart desired. She said, “Alright fate, it hurts that the one thing that pulled me to wake up in the morning is not happening.”

She surrendered.

I was an atheist. I could probably be one of the most pragmatic person you will ever meet a year ago. One could even say, “Katey, please grow a heart.” I never believed in fate or whatsoever external force that guides you to your path. Oh please, not me.

I used to think that hard-work is the sole key to success. If I work hard enough and give it my 101% things would work out according to how I want it to happen. The world was my oyster, and I was there to play the field. I was a beast, determined to wrestle with challenges and smack it on the face, and say, “Bring it on because this girl can do it all.”

And the world really gave its all. Until I found myself picking up the pieces of my so-called armor of courage, or of arrogance the way I see it now. I was broken. I became so afraid of what viand is going to be served again. Can I still handle it?

No, not anymore. I couldn’t take any more of it. I give up.

“I give up.” Those three words that I never thought I would utter, but I did, repeatedly. I beat myself up for being a failure, for always coming short of what I expected of myself, for being a coward. It was all a bluff. I wasn’t brave after all. I was the worst. I look at the mirror and all I saw was someone who was weak. I’m not even worth an ounce of love.

I felt that, longer than I should have.

But, slowly, I crawled out of that hell hole. It wasn’t easy though. Especially when you’re all alone in a foreign land. It’s scary to fight your demons when you decide to move to another country with people who barely speaks your language. I had to learn how to find my way without losing the little sanity that I still had.

I started with saying “Thank you,” the moment I wake up. I began running again, going out with friends, and writing. Sometimes too much human interaction still overwhelmed me, those days I still hid from the world. I didn’t know the exact day when I felt totally okay. I just realized one day, that I was smiling again, the kind of smile that stayed. It wasn’t an all for show smile. I was happy.

It’s okay that I will not be Dr. Katey anymore. I am fine with who I was and looking forward to the person that I was going to become. When I was okay, I decided to go back home and do the work that I was set to do, whatever mission that was.

I started working in the BPO industry. I applied because originally, I planned on taking a master’s degree in environmental science. I would need a day job that would put food on the plate and finance my youngest sibling’s studies. I needed also a job that unlike teaching, would not require so much mental energy when I get home since I was going to apply to graduate school.

When you have a plan, it’s funny how one phone call can change your life.

I was about to prepare for work when my dad called me. It was the usual dad jokes and checking up on me phone call. But then, he called because someone volunteered to pay for my medical school tuition fee.

“Papa, is this a joke?” I mockingly said.

“No, this is real. Do you still want to do it?”

Without a second of doubt, “Hell yeah!”

Sometimes I still pinch myself. Is this fucking real? I even get scared when I’m reviewing for NMAT. What if this gets taken away from me? But even if I’m scared, I’ll still move forward.

I believed that someday, my dream for my myself and my country will come true. I gave up the MD dream. A week before the news, my good friend L asked me, “So Katey what’s the plan?”

“To tell you the truth L, I don’t know anymore. I would probably go to Law School or push through with master’s. I’ll just go with the flow. But if someone would give me a million pesos, it would still be medschool.”

A week after that conversation, I didn’t actually get a million, but I got so much more.

To you reader, don’t give up on your dreams. You never know what’s ahead.

Love,

Katey (Future MD)

P.S. I will be posting more about the MD Journey from now on.

Girls, it’s time to stop blaming the guys.

Here is a story that happens to every girl and most of the time, is repeated over and over again. Boy meets girl. They strike up a conversation. The guy and girl suddenly felt that there was ‘something.’ They wanted to spend a lot of time together. So, they did. Late night phone calls, walks by the beach, road trips, movies, just name it. They fell in the spiral of love and in one split second, things went south. Either one of them got afraid, and took a step back.

The girl would then be confused. What happened? Is there something wrong with me? Or sometimes the other way around. The girl blames the guy. This usually happens. Then, there’s hate, harsh words, and worse, revenge.

Let me tell you why you should stop blaming either yourself or the guy.

As human beings, it is our nature to long for connection. For women, this is more obvious because we are wired to nurture and love. If you’re wondering why you are having this longing, it’s because number one: you are human, and number two: you are a woman. We were magnificently designed to love. Giving love is in our DNA. Loving is not a mistake. It is what we were born to do.

However, since we are humans who grow up in different settings, we act because of our past conditioning. That is what screws up our capacity to love. Let me give you an example, if you grow up without a father, or with a dad who is absent in most parts of your life, you’d probably crave the love of a guy at an early age. It is a case to case basis for everyone. Our upbringing defines our longing.

Since you are wired to feel and do things based on your past experiences, if you’re not aware of it, it will affect how you behave in a relationship.

Humans have a search for wholeness. We feel empty. We think that the emptiness can be filled with material things, or a romantic relationship. For a lot of women, they think that when they find this perfect guy, everything will be okay. But it won’t. Life doesn’t work that way. You’re not supposed to put that much pressure on one guy. Your happiness is your responsibility, not anybody else’s.

Society and media shows us every day that if you will meet ‘the one’ things will be awesome. It will, at first. He will sweep you off your feet, and you will live happily ever after.

That is one big, uh oh.

The moment you assume that happiness comes from anywhere outside of you, you are up for disaster. Why? Because anything outside of you can disappear. Whether it’s money, a title, or your shoes. If it’s a guy, he can leave you anytime.

When you meet someone and it’s all so consuming, he acts as your drug. It’s like an addiction that keeps you awake at night. You can’t eat properly. You do these stupid things that you wouldn’t do if not for him. He gives you a high. But what happens to drug addicts when you take away their drug. They get withdrawal symptoms, affecting their physical and mental well-being. It is the same for some relationships. Some people sadly, end up killing themselves when a person that they attached their happiness to, leaves.

If for some reason you broke up, stop the blame. Just, stop.

There is a season for everything, even in love, winter, spring, summer, and fall exists. You have reached your autumn. It’s painful but you have to go through it. You have to feel it. Ending things doesn’t mean that your relationship or whatever you had is a failure. You learned and hopefully, he did too. After the winter, there’s always spring. Experience the cold and the dark because there is no other way but through.

Now, love yourself. It’s amazing how many things you’ll get to discover when you shift your focus to taking care of yourself.

Make yourself a priority. Stop looking for happiness. Start feeling that which has always been inside you all along, your own joy. Explore your creativity. Do the things you feel drawn to. Be pulled by your curiosity and follow it. You might just be surprised by how much beauty, love, and grace is already inside you. They just waited for you to notice that they were there all along.

Most of all, forgive yourself and accept the present, may it be good or bad. Then, act from that place of acceptance. When your cup is full, and it’s spilling with love, that’s the sign that you can give. Fill your own cup first and whatever’s overflowing that’s what you can give out. Only by that, can you be happy. You can’t give what you don’t have, so make it a priority to fill your own heart with love before giving love to anybody else.

Blaming the guy is not the answer, loving yourself is. So to the girl who’s reading this, quit the blame game and go love yourself. If you are lucky, there’s a guy who will see just how radiant and full of joy you are. And if you don’t find that guy, it’s okay, because in the end, what you have is what you exactly need, and it’s already there.

The Cure for Worry

Have you ever felt a pang of loneliness that just seem to come out of nowhere? Like, yesterday you were feeling so great. In fact you thought you could conquer the world. You felt that you’re in the flow of things. You were unstoppable. But suddenly, this wave of emotions just submerged you in an ocean of sadness. Where in the world did that come from? You might have asked yourself why you have to feel those things that you were trying so hard to get rid of.

Here’s the thing, what you felt was a necessary low vibration part of your life. Just like in the teachings of Jesus, there is a season for everything, “a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted. (Ecclesiastes 3:1-2)”And they are all essential. The plucking and dying part is needed. You do not have a choice.

You have to go through all these range of emotions because it will make you into a different but better you. There are no shortcuts or escapes from these stages in your life. If you run from it, it will go after you and manifest in negative patterns. It could be as mundane as watching too much TV or something worse like drugs and alcohol addiction. Even overthinking arises from trying to figure out the ‘why’ in your feelings. So what can you do when you are experiencing this sadness black hole?

Feel it.

Whatever you are feeling now, just feel it. Be kind to yourself. Forgive yourself. You are doing what you can with what you have. You are showing up even when it is the last thing that you want to do.

You got out of bed. You took a bath, brushed your teeth. You showed up! Isn’t that what’s important? Showing up even when it’s so hard to do it. Be proud of yourself for showing up.

One good example of this is when you’re out of money or in tons of debt. Instead of thinking that you are doomed and fueling all these negative energy, just breathe. recognize even the coins that you have, appreciate them. Thank God or whatever higher power you believe in with what you’ve got. Money flows. Money is a tool but it’s not everything. Make peace with money. Be kind to your heart. Be glad that you are in this world doing something. This attitude will bring you joy. And when there is joy, abundance follows. Just try it and see.

Try to remember those people you’ve helped. Back-read their messages and let it sink in you that there’s something in you that only you have that in a way has changed these people. Say to yourself that today, in any way that you can, you are going to be that light.

When you’re feeling helpless, help someone. Right at this moment maybe, you just wanna get inside your cave and curl up, and hide from everything. But that’s not you anymore. You are resilient. No matter what’s thrown at you, you will always find your way back to that place of joy, love, and ease.

Stop worrying about money or being alone. Start appreciating whatever is in your purse and bank account. Wow! ____ dollars. Amazing! Money flows. So you need not worry. You are going to manifest money in ways that you can’t even imagine. Stop moping. The world needs your sparkle.

Remember, it’s okay to mope, just try not staying in sadness island for a long time. Honor what you feel. Accept who you are wholeheartedly. Accept that you couldn’t do your workout today. Accept that you can’t finish all your workload all at once. You are hustling with all you’ve got. Give yourself a break. Don’t be too hard on yourself.

All you have to care about right now is this moment. As you are sitting in your office or taking care of your kids or whatever you’re doing, visualize how this day is gonna be like. Again, visualize, not make expectations. If something that is not in your vision happens, it’s alright. You are fine sweetie. You always find a way. The universe has your back. It is not working against you. The universe is for you.

Is that a smile? Nice. See? Just breathe and relax. You are here to experience life, not to run a race. Say it aloud: I AM NOT IN A RACE. Just do things one step at a time and stop comparing. Right now you’re breathing and your heart is beating and there is nothing more important than that.

To the girl who’s tired of it all

I know that you want to help other people so much. You have a big heart that wants to take care of everyone . But you can’t. you are doing your best with what you have. You are doing great despite the shit sandwich thrown at you. You are okay. It’s still good. You’re still breathing. You have food on your plate, a job that you love, friends that support you, and a lot more. I know that it can be tiring. I know that sometimes you just wish you were born in different circumstances, that the responsibilities are not this heavy, that life isn’t this hard. I know that sometimes you’re tired of it all.

But it’s okay.

It’s okay to cry. It’s normal to be exhausted. Life is not meant to be perfect. Life is meant to be experienced. Let go of control and expectations. You’ve known at a young age that things cannot be controlled. No matter how much you plan out everything and prevent shitty things from happening, shit still happens. And it’s okay.

You are still breathing. Your heart is still beating. And when those two are intact, then you have more than enough to be thankful for. It is not a problem, it is just a situation. Think of now. Think of this moment. It’s all you’ve got, the now.

Embrace your life. Accept the present. Work and love. Breathe.You’re awesome.

Love,
Katey

A Control Freak’s Guide to Freedom

You want everything to be organized, and any outcome should be expected. The inevitable is a horror story for you and you just don’t want anything that you haven’t foreseen to happen. Sounds familiar? Don’t worry, you’re not crazy. In fact you can do something about your control freak tendencies. I don’t wanna go about why it’s wrong to be a control freak, you know that already. I wanna share some tips to release that neurotic creature inside your head and use that mental energy for a more maningful purpose.

Awareness

First, you have to be aware that you are a manipulative person. I know, this sucks. But if you’re going to be defensive about it, then it’s gonna be really hard to change that mental pattern. Believe me. (I’ve been there.) Write it out or admit it to someone. Say, “I am a control freak.” Do this in a non-judgmental way. Don’t beat yourself up for admitting that you are a controlling person.

2. Be kind to yourself.

Everybody has a dark side. Some people are selfish or rude but that doesn’t mean that it has to be that way all the time. In your case, you end up micromanaging everything because you want a perfect outcome. However, that attitude is bound to destroy you. So just be kind to yourself. If there are shortcomings in your work, just say, “screw it, I’m human I make mistakes.” Tell that overthinking neurotic creature this words, “Hey there neurotic friend, I am going on a journey towards happiness and you can go with me, but please know that you can join me, but your suggestions are not welcome.”

3. Go through your issue not over or under.

There are lots of things available to escape vulnerability. Some people with control issues escape this by smoking, drinking alcohol, or for parents, controlling the lives of their kids. As a millennial, I know how bad that could be. Just imagine how controlling most parents are in the Philippines, some of them want to brood their kid until they have families. Being controlling doesn’t just affect you, it affects the people around you. The trick here is when you’re aware, talk to yourself, “okay, I see that you are doing that puppeteer thing again, let go. Let go.” Then breathe in and out. It will do wonders in your life, when you learn to go through your issue instead of escaping it through unhealthy practices.

4. Get a mentor.

A mentor can be a friend who you think has it all together. Be honest. Tell your problem and maybe that person can help. You’ll never know unless you ask. Your mentor can be a famous person (hello mommy Oprah!) or maybe your next door neighbor. Your mentor doesn’t have to know you. Learn from their wisdom and apply it in your life. My mentors are the following people, you can watch them on YouTube or buy their books:

Peak performance: Tony Robbins
Spirituality: Micheal Bernard Beckwith
Healing: Gabby Bernstein
Business: Marie Forleo
Creativity: Elizabeth Gilbert
Life: Oprah Winfrey

I also consider my dad as my best mentor. He just has this foresight. So it can be anyone. All of these mentors are so great and they have the biggest of hearts that whatever they say just resonates.

Information is everywhere so go and grab it.

5. Create

Using parts of your brain other than the frontal lobe (for problem solving shiz) will help you release control. Do something just because it opens your creative floodgates. Not because of the money, or the outcome or praise. Just do anything for no reason. Do it just because you want to. There’s no agenda needed. It will take that boulder off your shoulder.

6. “Celebrate the effort not the result.” – Dr. Cathy Collaut

So you’ve been working out and it seems like nothing is changing with your body, cut yourself some slack. Let the need for a Gigi Hadid body go. If you’re doing things because of the satisfaction you’ll get when you’ve achieved your goal, what happens after you get there? Nothing. Emptiness. You will not have a sense of direction because you did it. You got the prize. Celebrate every effort you gave. Be happy with the amount of effort that you never thought you could put into a project. Notice how the project is changing you. Those tiny moments, they’re the ones worth keeping. It’s not the result. Never.

7. Meditate

Being centered is the key to releasing a controlling behavior. When you catch yourself being all edgy and too bossy go the bathroom, spend 5 minutes to reconnect with your true self. You are not the thinker, you are the watcher of your thoughts (Eckhart Tolle). Watch it and lovingly acknowledge it. Stay in stillness for 5 minutes.. Breathe and hustle again, but this time, you have a clarity of who you really are.