I’ve been caught inside the wormhole of hustle culture. After having spent five days on home quarantine, I realized how much I’ve been taking myself for granted. My soul was withering. I couldn’t find the sense in what I was doing. I was perpetually tired. My room was a mess. I was just dragging myself everyday at the hospital and not thinking about how it was affecting my body. I got totally disconnected.
Is it necessary to live this kind of life? My body keeps on telling me that there was something wrong. And so I have to go back to writing to check myself.
No, this is not the life that I want for myself. I want to show up with energy and lightness. Getting COVID taught me that I was stepping on the gas too much. It’s time to reassess how I was approaching life.
Let us live slowly. Let us be more present in our interactions and in wherever we are. Working in the hospital had me doing things on a speed of lightning, which eventually backfired. What really matters, Kate? Is this the life you imagined? Is this the life you gave up your previous career for? Burning your own candle so that you can save others?
It all feels wrong. This is not it.
I want to work so I could live, not live, to work. That is just wrong in a lot of aspects.
Yesterday I had such an excruciating headache, it was probably still COVID. I couldn’t do my job properly and it was just so debilitating. I woke up today feeling more refreshed because I was able to sleep. I realized when I woke up what I really need, a better work life balance.
I hope the next steps I take would lead me to a life of balance.