The rain caught up with me

No matter how beautiful the previous weeks have been, I still find myself sad, this day in particular. I keep thinking of the reason as to why I am feeling this way despite every blessing and beautiful thing that is happening. My rational mind says this is probably hormonal or medical, but my spirit junkie self says, this is part of being human. Moments of emptiness are parts of the human experience. We are all flawed and yet beautiful.

I have been struggling to wake up early because at night, I feel like I have to finish everything so that tomorrow’s hassle-free environment is guaranteed. Even though I very well know that there will always be things outside of my control, I still want to at least have a say as to how the day will unfold. Right now, I am teaching myself how to be at peace and present.

Being present is probably the one area of my life that I am most struggling with. Sometimes I can’t control the scenarios that play in my head. What if this or that happens, what should be my plan A,B, C, and so on. How do I navigate each scenario? More often than not, these scenarios don’t pan out. The need to be in control comes from not wanting to be caught off guard with possibilities that could arise. I just want to know that I can handle anything, no matter what it is. That’s one lesson that I have learned when Papa passed away, that I should be ready for anything that could happen. In this world filled with randomness, anything is possible.

I am proud of myself for sleeping earlier last night though. I was kind of skeptical that I would be able to sleep early because I had spanish latté in the afternoon, but alas, my mind and body were both exhausted. I also didn’t watch kdrama and chose sleep instead. I also found myself scrolling through Facebook yesterday because I wanted to thank the Facebook wall greetings last week, and so I drowned inside the vortex. I’ve met so many people who have an amazing online presence but a shattered real life. It makes me sad to think that we are living in a world wherein posts and likes matter hence I try to keep distance with social media.

Bad days happen and negative thoughts arise. Even though I have worked hard to be in my current mental state, I know that days filled with self doubt and frustration will arise. Again, these are all parts of the human experience. On bad days, I may not understand what the point of living is but I have to soak in every single emotion and feeling. The contrast makes us appreciate every moment anyway.

Author: Katey

Hi, I'm Katey, a medical student, writer, teacher, and biologist. This is where I write the lessons that I've learned during my adventures. Hit follow to get my latest tips, life updates, and even poetry. If you want to live a life with passion and purpose then you have come to the right place. Keep on shining.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: