This is for my bossy girls

Hi there, I know exactly how you feel. It is difficult to navigate life when you’re in a world wherein you’re expected to be submissive and quiet, even when it doesn’t feel good anymore. I don’t blame the people who has laughed at me when I say a lot of things. I just knew deep within that I have loads of ideas and I have a gift for seeing the big picture even as a young kid. I knew that I was set to be a leader the moment that I learned how to walk on my own feet.

I always wanted to be the owner of the house in bahay-bahayan (house). I want to be the teacher when we play school. I was the manager of Santa Claus’s factory when it’s December and we have to make gifts for the kids. I was a pain to my playmates. They just want to play and I freaking take everything seriously. Everything should be in order and should be executed at just the right time.

I didn’t want to act in school plays. I want to write and direct them. I would be the President of every possible school club and I’d get upset when I see an event that could have been handled better if I were the leader. I guess leadership aka the “Bossy Gene” is intricately sequenced in my DNA.

It wasn’t an easy path though. I didn’t understand why when a boy starts speaking, some of my teachers would listen more. When it was my turn to speak, and I’ll speak honestly and with conviction I was called bossy and Miss “May I say something.” This went on until I went away from home and studied in UP. I was actually surprised because in that school, I wasn’t called bossy anymore. I was told by my friends that I have “leadership skills.” Wow, that was a major reframe. All this time I thought there was really something wrong with me. I thought I was too opinionated, too know-it-all or too smart to my own demise. Finally, I did belong.

I started to look at things differently and I was able to truly express myself because I was far away from the people who tagged me as a stubborn, know-it-all girl. It took a long time to unlearn what has been constantly ingrained in my mind as a girl surrounded by traditional patriarchal values. I started wearing the clothes that I like, short shorts, sleeveless, swimsuits, and fitting clothes weren’t scary to wear anymore. I speak up in graded recitations because most of my professors are open-minded and accepting to new ideas that comes from students. I lead events and organizations, I danced, I explored my spirituality. I felt free.

It turns out, I had no problem at all. I was just stuck in an environment that didn’t allow me to grow. I didn’t realize that I was in a box and so when I got out of my comfort zone, I discovered who I am. I was an active, positive, and friendly person. I learned that there’s nothing wrong with being bossy. It was just most of the people from where I am weren’t exposed to feisty women who are unafraid to express their opinions. I also learned how to say things with respect, without compromising my beliefs. I learned that how you see yourself and how you genuinely feel about yourself matters way more than the opinions of your aunts and uncles.

I was able to enjoy life and maintain boundaries with those who destroy my peace. I discovered what I really wanted to do with my life and how I’ll do it.

To the bossy girl reading this, it will be tough and we have a lot of work to do to shift the mindset of the people around us. You will be called a lot of names and sometimes you might even believe them. Please always have the understanding that the people you encounter can only meet you from where they’re coming from. This is why we have to teach children the right values and expose them to feminism at a young age.

This can be exhausting. But we don’t stop just because a patriarchal society is what we were born into. We educate ourselves and then we share it to others by teaching them or by expressing ourselves through our lives and through our art. We stop looking at being bossy as something negative. We start calling ourselves ambitious and spiritually awake women with outstanding leadership skills.

We don’t stay silent just because we are expected to be a Maria Clara aka conservative Filipinas. We express who we are and share our opinions even when some men get uncomfortable because of how fearless we are. We change the world by first changing ourselves and we should always remember that you cannot tell people what to do. You just roll your sleeves and show them how it’s done.

Author: Katey

Hi, I'm Katey, a medical student, writer, teacher, and biologist. This is where I write the lessons that I've learned during my adventures. Hit follow to get my latest tips, life updates, and even poetry. If you want to live a life with passion and purpose then you have come to the right place. Keep on shining. View all posts by Katey