Six years ago, I was this twenty year old college graduate who had totally no idea what to do. When I enrolled in UP, I thought looking for a job will be easy because I’ll be a graduate of the top university in the Philippines. There was so much ego in a 16-year old kid. I was totally clueless with how looking for work would be extremely difficult. I didn’t know how to maneuver my life. I felt like a new kid in the block. I froze.
Adulting was so scary. I was afraid of public transportation in Manila but I had to do it because riding a taxi will be too expensive. I thought everyone was a possible snatcher. I was so wary of my surroundings. I was just so afraid of everything new and so hesitant to take the next step because it’s too uncomfortable.
Until I decided to go back to the province and spend time with family since I probably need rest because of the four years of academics. On the first month of my vacation, I became restless. I wasn’t used to staying in the house and I also didn’t like the fact that I was twenty and penniless. So I took the leap of getting a job.
One of my orgmates was a teacher in a university and she asked me if I can teach highschool students. I was so afraid, but I just said yes because I hate not having any money. I became a Chemistry teacher in UST-Legazpi for a year. But even though I had a job, it wasn’t enough for me. It didn’t feel right. My soul was longing for more. I wanted more improvement, more diverse experiences, and a life that feeds my soul. There’s also the pressure of being a breadwinner in the family.
Finances were more tight and I had siblings in college, highschool, elementary, plus a baby brother. I had to help my family so I decided to go abroad and teach. I guess I underestimated the challenges of becoming an overseas worker. I was faced with financial and mental health problems, plus I had a turbulent relationship with my biological mother. I experienced depression, again.
But this time, it was harder to handle it because I was far away from friends and family. I had to deal with my issues alone and learn how to save myself. Giving up is not an option for the poor. That’s when I discovered meditation.
It may sound creepy but in all honesty, it worked. It still works because I’ve been practicing it for four years since then. I am so grateful that I love watching speeches of successful people and almost all of them do meditate. I was able to heal my wounds little by little, and handle life’s stresses with more ease and I learned how to let go of narratives which aren’t serving me.
Meditation may seem easy because you’re just going to be quiet for a few minutes but, brace yourself. You’ll never know how much crap is in your brain unless you meditate.
I can’t even silence my mind for a minute. I was crying in the first few months because all the repressed feelings and pain that I tried to numb with food, work, and studies started to go on the surface. I didn’t feel ready to face all of them. Recognizing these wounded parts is not pretty at all.
I stopped for a while and tried to meditate again. And from then on there’s no turning back. When I acknowledged all parts of me and radically accepted who I am, the rest became history. I made better choices and created soulful connections. I became more in tune with my gut which made me take care of what’s serving me and let go of what’s dragging me down. I became more kind and compassionate. I just became better.
Meditation did not make me perfect. It just made me work on myself on a consistent basis. It made me humble and it allowed me to go back to that sacred place inside me whenever I get out of alignment. Now I understand why successful people meditate. This world has so much noise and if you’re not careful, it might just drag you in its drama. You have to know who you are, what you stand for, and what you are in this world for.
Cancel the noise and tune in with your soul. It does wonders.