Enough said.
I’m at a point in my life wherein I won’t allow anything or anyone to dim my sparkle. It’s been almost two months and we are still on lockdown here in my province.
Hi reader, I hope you are doing better and hopefully found a healthy coping mechanism from all the changes, good or bad, that you are seeing in this world.
So last week, as I was lying in bed, disappointed as usual with how this pandemic is being handled by our leaders, I had a lightning bulb realization. This epiphany struck me so hard and shifted my perspective. I asked myself one question and it’s so big that it changed how I maneuver each day. This is the question:
“If I am going to die tomorrow, would this be how I want to spend my last day?”
I answered with a resounding, heart pounding, “DEFINITELY NOT.” I don’t want to die as a depressed, heartbroken, and eternally frustrated entity. Would I spend it debating about politics, who’s right or wrong, which side is telling the truth blablabla. Nope. I definitely won’t.
If I have the power to choose, my last day would be a really peaceful one. I would spend it eating meals with my family. I would teach my little brother about science and reading. I would watch korean dramas with my youngest sister. I would call my sisters who are living in Manila, listen to them and hopefully ease their stress and worries during this pandemic. I will listen to really good music. I will take care of my body, the vessel that was entrusted to me by the universe. I would study my calling, medicine, because this day is the closest I’ll ever be to becoming a medical doctor.
I will write. I will sing. I will dance. I will read. I will eat yummy food. I will take care of my siblings. I will tell my partner how much I love and appreciate his presence in my life. I will cuddle our dogs. I will say what I want to say and be the most authentic person that I can be.
I will spew positivity. I will keep on expressing to the universe how grateful I am that I was allowed to live this life, amidst its imperfections and complexities. I will thank God that I was raised by a man who put others above himself, someone who loves selflessly and lived with so much passion.
I will do what I love. I will keep on spreading motivation, humor, and inspiration. I will show respect and refrain from speaking negatively. I will help in whatever way that I can as long as it is in line with who I am as a person.
So far, if it’s my last day, I can say that I am proud of how I chose to live my life. That includes being able to battle the demons, and recover from abuse. If this was my last day I hope that I made my father proud, and I hope that he will smile and say he’s proud of who I became when we meet each other again.
Death is a taboo concept for many people, and having experienced witnessing the sudden death of the person that I love most, changed me. It changed the way I see things, I realized the impermanence of it all. So if it is my last, if people would remember me, I want them to tell people how freakishly real I am, how I chose kindness, how I showed my vulnerability, how I fought the monsters, how I forgave but maintained boundaries, how I rose, and how I lived in line with the mission that was planted in my soul.
If all of us would ask ourselves this question everyday, maybe we will hurt less, and we will not keep on chasing things which are unhealthy for us. I hope that you, my sweet and beautiful reader would ask yourself this question, and be brave enough to honestly answer it, and live each day as if it’s your last. Why? Because it will guide you to do only those which are important and that which resonates to your soul.
kate samaniego 