There was this one time that my student told me, this sentence. “Everything’s gonna be okay, if it’s not okay, then it’s not the end.” What she said resonated on how I handle things, although I am not good at it a hundred percent of the time.
Fighting an illness is hard, albeit facing it every month. I honestly thought that I was just overreacting but I’m pretty sure there’s something going on inside me that’s making simple things extra hard to do. On good days I am a Type A person, always slaying goals, but on bad days, I barely have the will to get tup and face the world, I even though of ending my life when I was still a teenager.
Here’s to you who’s had it hard. I know. It sucks. But you know, how you always tried to push through the pain, well, you can’t always do that.
As I was trying to finish my niotes in Physiology, I was crying, because of mental, physical, and emotional pain. All I could think about was how painful my body is, and how I can’t focus, and I how much work I needed to get done. It was like it was never going to end.
Dear self: I am proud of how you tried your best to do whatever you can do. That was probably one of the hardest days. But I am proud of you for stopping when you really couldn’t take it. For taking care of yourself on those really painful days. For still having that tiny spark of hope that the pain will end.
I’m okay now. I am feeling better. I’m now gaining back the energy I’ve lost. Maybe, this is just who I am. Normal self has a chaos of hormones happening inside her. I probably got PMDD because I am manifesting all the symptoms as long as I can remember.
But I can do this. You can do this. Rest if you must. Always prioritise your rest and sleep. Just take care of yourself. There will be days wherein you will just lie down and rest because you just can’t, and it’s okay.
Rest if you must, but never quit.
kate samaniego 