You want everything to be organized, and any outcome should be expected. The inevitable is a horror story for you and you just don’t want anything that you haven’t foreseen to happen. Sounds familiar? Don’t worry, you’re not crazy. In fact you can do something about your control freak tendencies. I don’t wanna go about why it’s wrong to be a control freak, you know that already. I wanna share some tips to release that neurotic creature inside your head and use that mental energy for a more maningful purpose.
First, you have to be aware that you are a manipulative person. I know, this sucks. But if you’re going to be defensive about it, then it’s gonna be really hard to change that mental pattern. Believe me. (I’ve been there.) Write it out or admit it to someone. Say, “I am a control freak.” Do this in a non-judgmental way. Don’t beat yourself up for admitting that you are a controlling person.
2. Be kind to yourself.
Everybody has a dark side. Some people are selfish or rude but that doesn’t mean that it has to be that way all the time. In your case, you end up micromanaging everything because you want a perfect outcome. However, that attitude is bound to destroy you. So just be kind to yourself. If there are shortcomings in your work, just say, “screw it, I’m human I make mistakes.” Tell that overthinking neurotic creature this words, “Hey there neurotic friend, I am going on a journey towards happiness and you can go with me, but please know that you can join me, but your suggestions are not welcome.”
3. Go through your issue not over or under.
There are lots of things available to escape vulnerability. Some people with control issues escape this by smoking, drinking alcohol, or for parents, controlling the lives of their kids. As a millennial, I know how bad that could be. Just imagine how controlling most parents are in the Philippines, some of them want to brood their kid until they have families. Being controlling doesn’t just affect you, it affects the people around you. The trick here is when you’re aware, talk to yourself, “okay, I see that you are doing that puppeteer thing again, let go. Let go.” Then breathe in and out. It will do wonders in your life, when you learn to go through your issue instead of escaping it through unhealthy practices.
4. Get a mentor.
A mentor can be a friend who you think has it all together. Be honest. Tell your problem and maybe that person can help. You’ll never know unless you ask. Your mentor can be a famous person (hello mommy Oprah!) or maybe your next door neighbor. Your mentor doesn’t have to know you. Learn from their wisdom and apply it in your life. My mentors are the following people, you can watch them on YouTube or buy their books:
- Peak performance: Tony Robbins
- Spirituality: Micheal Bernard Beckwith
- Healing: Gabby Bernstein
- Business: Marie Forleo
- Creativity: Elizabeth Gilbert
- Life: Oprah Winfrey
I also consider my dad as my best mentor. He just has this foresight. So it can be anyone. All of these mentors are so great and they have the biggest of hearts that whatever they say just resonates.
Information is everywhere so go and grab it.
Using parts of your brain other than the frontal lobe (for problem solving shiz) will help you release control. Do something just because it opens your creative floodgates. Not because of the money, or the outcome or praise. Just do anything for no reason. Do it just because you want to. There’s no agenda needed. It will take that boulder off your shoulder.
6. “Celebrate the effort not the result.” – Dr. Cathy Collaut
So you’ve been working out and it seems like nothing is changing with your body, cut yourself some slack. Let the need for a Gigi Hadid body go. If you’re doing things because of the satisfaction you’ll get when you’ve achieved your goal, what happens after you get there? Nothing. Emptiness. You will not have a sense of direction because you did it. You got the prize. Celebrate every effort you gave. Be happy with the amount of effort that you never thought you could put into a project. Notice how the project is changing you. Those tiny moments, they’re the ones worth keeping. It’s not the result. Never.
Being centered is the key to releasing a controlling behavior. When you catch yourself being all edgy and too bossy go the bathroom, spend 5 minutes to reconnect with your true self. You are not the thinker, you are the watcher of your thoughts (Eckhart Tolle). Watch it and lovingly acknowledge it. Stay in stillness for 5 minutes.. Breathe and hustle again, but this time, you have a clarity of who you really are.