I had all of that. I thought that if I want something bad enough, even if the world screams impossible, that goal would still materialize.
Was I wrong? Apparently.
As soon as I left my job I had the time to think about where I am in my life. Am I the person that I thought I was going to be at 22?
Poof. I’m not.
If I were asked where I am, I’d say, I’m in a path that I have never imagined for myself. The life I’m living is not the life I’ve dreamed. But still, I find solace, I find peace. Maybe this is what they call ‘happiness’. I chose it.
Life has thrown rocks on me. And, I just realized that, its just the way it is. No matter how much I question God, the universe, or any deity, nothing will change. These are the circumstances that I was born with, and I got a choice. Am I gonna fight? Or am I gonna die?
I choose to fight. I will always do.
This week, I talked to a friend and she reminded me of a couple of things that I forgot. I told her everything, about my struggles and plans. Suddenly she told me, “if you will go back and face the same problems you’ve had, the reasons why you left in the first place, you might just regret that you didn’t give it one more shot’.
And then she told me, “You are K, you are the smart, talented, ambitious, girl that I met. You are inspiring a lot of people, including me. So please don’t give up. Maybe life is unfair to us, but aren’t we lucky enough because we were born achievers? At least in our case, our brain is capable of thinking about ways to solve our family problems. We have a shot.”
With those things she said, I was awakened. I realized that I was too preoccupied with my problems that I forgot to see the big picture.
When we start to look so hard in our circumstances we forget about the important things. Worse, we forget who we are.
I have come to accept everything. I have decided to relinquish control. I choose happiness. I choose to revel in uncertainty.