12:30 AM thoughts
Beyond midnight I can’t help thinking about ‘stuff.’Believe me I’ve prayed ever since to quit being an overthinker. I want to stop analyzing everything. I want to be free from my thoughts, from my obligations, and goals.
I want to go somewhere. I want to be someone. But every night, I ask myself if I am moving closer. Are my sacrifices worth it? Was leaving everything behind worth it? Do I have what it takes to go where I want to go?
I miss my family. I miss my dad, my sisters, baby brother. I miss papa’s adobo. I miss petty fights with my older sister. I miss talking about our dream house with my younger sister. I miss checking on my youngest sister and tickling my baby brother. I miss Christmas in the Philippines. I miss it all.
I wonder what he’s up to. It’s been seven months and he still pops inside my head from time to time. I hope he is happy. I hope he’s having the time of his life. I’m wishing for his dreams to come true. I just wish he knows that I have long forgiven him even if he never apologized.
Will I end up alone? Cause right now, I’m getting ready for a life of solitude. If it’s my destiny, I think I’m gonna be okay with it.
I will chase dreams but I won’t repeat the same mistake of chasing a person.